Gomez and Morticia Addams got divorced. I woke up mortified and with a sense of inexplicable dread.
you literally don’t need any other plot and i would watch the movie
Every ‘normal’ adult is fussing around Pugsley and Wednesday because “poor children that must be so hard for you to see mom and dad break up like this”
But the kid are absolutely unfazed, arguing that “it’s alright they will be together again soon”. The normie are so sad for the “children clinging to vain hopes” until Morticia and Gomez get married again two weeks after the divorce.
In the meantime Mama and Uncle Fester fight about which one of them will go to whose custody.
They pretend to argue in court and at meeting with lawyers over the splitting of the properties but that’s mostly Gomez insisting to leave more and more thing to his wife in an angry voice.
At home they decided not to talk to each other so Lurch has to (begrudgingly) transmit messages from one to the other, even when they are sat on either side of the table.
That works (more or less) then Morticia says one word in french and Gomez run to cover her with kisses until Morticia remind him that they are spliting (that’s the only moment he seems to regret the whole thing)
This. All of this.
Wednesday offers to help with split custody of Pugsley. her suggestion involved a big table saw
They fight over who gets to hire the expensive big-firm lawyer and who gets to hire the up-and-coming rookie divorce lawyer. It’s a whole Thing.
The up and coming lawyer is Thing?
Thing wins the case
it’s actually started because Thing just passed the bar exam and no one will hire Thing
If you miss your swing on the christian baby does the catcher like. throw the baby back to the pitcher
Hey does anyone wanna hear about a funny scenario I just came up with all on my own with no input from anyone else
You are correct that the situation of pitching the Christian Baby is 100% a balk. However, it should be noted that hitting the Christian baby for the $1,000,000 home run would nullify the balk because all runners including the batter-runner advanced at least one base safely. Valid home run, game over, pay the man.
i know it pisses some people off but i find it fun that most websites use the US flag for english and the brazillian flag for portuguese. kind of awesome. sorry england and portugal you colonized too hard so you dont get to own your language anymore. you gave it up to the americas. sucks to suck. go brazil.
Thankfully, a Douglas-Adams-style planetwide simulation was done to find out. Monkeys evolved 30 million years ago and one completed writing the works of William Shakespeare around 400 years ago. Now that we know the answer is about 30 million years, they should be shutting the simulation down any day now.
Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceship’s spending allowance? Like:
“I see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?”
“Oh well, if we don’t rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to devour me teeth.”
“…Noted.”
“I have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually packaged absorbent material - however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify these recurrent deliveries.”
“Ah, yeah, it’s not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it.”
“…that is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard.”
“Yeah.”
“Does such a process not hurt?”
“That’l be what the medication’s for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process.”
“…and your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?”
“Okay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral Plo’Kaght insisted on it. Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?”
“…I believe I should speak with my superiors.”
I love how Stabby the Roomba has become such a consistent in-joke among these sorts of blogs.
Galactic hero stabby the roomba: his legend continues
I hate anti-vaxers now. Actively loathe them. There was a time where I had a modicum of empathy and understanding for people being distrustful of the medical establishment, even though every study has shown that vaccines are safe and effective and beneficial, I know some wounds are hard to heal. Now? If you’re seeing the people regurgitating anti-vaccine misinformation and witnessing their agendas, reading the news reports of diseases that were nearly eradicated coming back to kill children again, hearing the distress and fear from medical professionals and parents of immunocompromised children and still saying “Hmm. Fuck you.” and deciding not to vaccinate your children and yourself, there is no excuse for you. You’d like to see me dead. I’m not tiptoeing around you. You’re a horrible person and a terrible parent.
An alligator basks in the midday sun in the Okefenokee Swamp along the Georgia-Florida line. They call it black-water country, but in this sandy-bottomed stretch the water looks as red as cranberry juice owing to tannins from decaying leaves. photo: Melissa Farlow (1992)
